Stay On Track

Good to be back to post something again, for this is the first in 2017.

The past two weeks was a celebrated holiday where almost every person I met basically saying the same message: “Be strong for this year, this will be a trying time.”

And it ends with, “But I have a good feeling about it.”

***

I used to think back in June 2000, if I did not decide to follow my curiosity, what would happen?

Would I by now have lived in a two storey house with one or two living in au pairs and once per two weeks gardener came to maintain the lawn, and a small city car (possibly a Honda Jazz) parked comfortably in the garage next to an expensive sedan possibly a shiny Mercedes? Would I sleep next to a pyjama wearing husband, while our children sleep soundly with their navy blue pyjamas on their own beds, in their own bedrooms?

Would I wear a veil to cover my appearance for my daily activities? Would I interact with the Qur’an citing group in the housing complex for a once per week routine? Would I attend arisan group or have a routine day to hang out with the other mothers in the neighbourhood? Or maybe stay with my childhood or college cliques? Would I have finished my bachelor degree in … art? Or in science? Would I own a salon franchise or maybe busy with creative work like baking cookies for a local school event? Would I even travel with my nuclear family to visit our parents?

I usually stop asking these mental questions and images that came swirling into my imagination’s nook and cranny. No use, I have decided, because I could not regret my choices. I really couldn’t. I have tried to do it like almost every time I have stumbled to blockages in my life, but the message that came back to me will always say, “Well, you have gained so many lessons with them. You know so well that you prefer this life you are running for, instead of the ‘Would I’s.” And all my decisions brought me here, to this point of life where I see, hell yeah, I definitely is where I’m supposed to be.

It has been destined for me maybe well since before I was born into this world. *cue new agey music.

Usually, when I am deep into my reverie or deep day slumber, I wouldn’t woke up until the next line I read or heard from anywhere would snap me out of it and I would be left falling back into the ground. Usually with a loud painful smack on the arse.

However, this time, there was this loud alarm blaring on my head. Top right side, for exact location, never would it allows me to be deeply immersed with my confounding dreams.

I just realised, that nagging thing, was my intuition.

As soon as I follow its heeds, the alarm sound stopped, and a wave of security feeling enveloped my body.

Its message basically was yelling, “OY, remember your truth. REMEMBER!!!” Yes, loud, and attention grabbing. Usually I ignored it, which was why in the past I always knocked my head off the pointed obstacles. (My defense: “Hey it was dark, I didn’t bring my light, what should I have done? Give up? No way!” So I ploughed through, just to the wrong difficult corners, blazing my own trails off road, avoiding the easy and brightly lit highway.)

So now, after 16 years and 6 months, I finally have had enough. I am not giving up, I just really need help to make the path. So I went and met my spiritual teacher last week.

He reminded (and reminds) me again, that I am still on the right track. And it calms me down knowing that I am doing everything to honour my truth.

So what is the message I want to convey in this post?

Do not give up. And even if you think you have, if you’re still breathing now, you’re probably haven’t done a good job at giving up.

And, seriously. “Stop pooling answers from other people.” You have always known the answers you need because they all reside within you.

So the solution is? Dig in, and dig deep.

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